Well, its the end of summer and here I find myself, at the most, 10 days away from being a first time mom and I have no idea what to think. I have decided that’s a perfectly natural response and have chosen not to fight it.
My hubby and I have been married for 8 years and they have been some of the most wonderful, challenging, emotional and fulfilling years of my life. For the most part, my husband has been the cause for most all of the beautiful moments over those years but we certainly have had to deal with a lot of turmoil and struggle from outside sources ect. Anyway, here we are spending our last few days…moments together as “just the two of us”. In the midst of these moments I find myself feeling something I never imagined myself feeling…calm. I know, I know, I can just hear the women out there who are already mothers laughing out loud! I can just hear the phrases I have come to memorize as the standard responses to finding out I am having a baby by my friends, family and aquaintences. Phrases like “boy, your life is going to change”, ” you’ll never sleep again”, “you can kiss your clean house goodbye”, ” your shape will never be the same again!!!”, ect. ect. Yet somehow in the midst of all of those well meaning and experienced souls I find myself feeling relaxed and peaceful. My intellectual side tells me this is some sort of fight or flight response, as if my body is responding to the emergency of this life changing event. As if I am experiencing some chemical reaction that makes no sense and will go away as soon as the baby has been born and I settle into the shock of what I have gotten myself into. However, my heart knows other wise.
Throughout my life in the most stressful and chaotic of times when I have been the most vulnerable and most clueless I have found that I have experienced a peace similar to this. I have experienced a peace that as scripture says, truly passes understanding. So here I am once again facing something that is both thrilling and terrifying to me and yet I am experiencing peace. In response I have chosen to receive this as a gift and recognize that God loves me and knows that after a difficult pregnancy and even more difficult extrenuating circumstances over the last few months, God has chosen to show up and be a peace maker and a peace giver when I need Him the most. Instead of being surprised I am overwhelmed with grattitude and once again in awe of His faithfulness.
Who knows what I will be writing in a few weeks after my baby girl is here. Perhaps, I will be one of those women preaching to another expectant mom and regailing her with tales of the trials of motherhood but today I choose to accept the peace as a gift and save the panic for another day. 
Ephesians 2:14, ”He Himself is our peace…”
